'Local girl sparks fire by wearing pantyhose'

I was fully expecting to see this headline on the morning news today. Why, you may ask?

Last night, Andy and I attended Andy's annual company banquet. Translation: Take off sweats and squeeze into little black dress. And we all know what goes with a little black dress; none other than a woman's worst nightmare: pantyhose.

Fresh from a shower and having caked on the lotion (don't forget I live in the arctic) I laid out my pair of pantyhose and just stared. It was showdown time (think old-time Western, guns and all). I was not going to let myself succumb to the pantyhose. So I took a deep breath- and stretched and pulled and pulled and stretched. Finally, after 30 minutes of grunts and groans- success!

No runs, no tears just.... the urge to pee! Why hadn't I done that before the war of the pantyhose? I'll never learn.

Needless to say, we had a great time at the banquet- free cocktails, great food, fun schmoozing.. and even though my thighs were screaming from the pantyhose, I didn't start any sparks. Imagine that.